Just chugging along, barely

It's been a while since I posted on either of my blogs, but it's about time I change that.  Ahhh, one word to describe my week: FAIL! The boat I go sailing on is nowhere near ready and nowhere near close to being finished.  The city I love/work in flooded due to too much rain, but for a while I had a lake front library.  Here's the video for you to see, this was the view out the front door into the street.

I have sadly turned down another exhibit to showcase my photos, I thought I was over my whole fear/uncertainty of my photos, turns out I was wrong.  Then to make things better after I turned down the exhibit I went to go visit my friend's art on a one day exhibit.  Good for him, good show too.

I'm just going to end this post here, before this just becomes one long complaint list, I'll post something more entertaining next time.

Started a new blog

To keep work stuff off this blog, or only the occasional story, I have decided to start a new blog.  Hopefully I can update it more frequently.

Check it out My adventures in accidental librarianship.

I'm really bad at this blogging thing...

I cannot consistently blog and I apologize, life has been just a tad busy recently. So I was offered the biggest photo job of my career so far and ended up losing it.  I was offered a gig to shoot the Cirque du Soleil rehearsal and show, but this came at a time when my mother's boiler broke in February, so I was apparently in a dead zone in her basement trying to fix her boiler so she could have heat.  I ended up missing the phone call and they had to go to another photographer.  Being disappointed is an understatement, but I wouldn't have changed what happened, my mom's house had heat by the end of the day, and I had no photo gig.  I'm honored to know that I was thought of for such a prestigious job, and can hopefully be offered similar things in the future.  In the meantime I have to get better at responding to people about photo sales that email me.  I am being published by two different organizations for publications and am really excited about this. So things are looking up on that front.

About my day time job, well that is just "interesting." To say that I am getting burned out is an understatement, it feels as if I'm being punished for being a good worker and dependable.  Being the "go to guy" is becoming really frustrating, I do not enjoy being responsible to make sure everyone does what they are supposed to, or if they don't having to be the one that fixes it.  There was a conversation I had where I was told that I need to know how to do everything here, and that I can't rely on the other employees. I'm highly tempted to just pack up and disappear for a while, but alas this stupid mortgage is more of an anchor than I thought.  I told a co-worker that I thought of going on an extended vacation to try and save my sanity, his response was: "tell me when, so I can quit, I don't want to be here to see what happens if you're gone." Hey at least some other people can see what I do at work, I guess that's good?

February and March are blending together and moving by too fast, between travelling and lack of sleep/rest I might honestly be going insane.  I did have a wake up moment when I saw a friend with an eerily similar life habit as mine, end up in the emergency room with heart troubles.  Seeing a friend in the hospital and seeing why he was there, and relating to yourself is quite a scary ordeal.  To be able to picture yourself in the same position and not knowing if/when it will happen makes you question certain things.  The only problem is neither of us can take our foot off the gas, so to speak, in our lives.  We only have one speed and one way of doing things, now we get to think of us as young and dumb with one foot in the grave.  Well here's to hoping we can make it for quite a few more years.

Back to Step 0

Damn you Facebook, damn you to hell! Seriously who the hell knew I would need Facebook for work related items.  One freaking day away is all I got from that place.  So everyone who's my friend, just remember I don't take Facebook seriously, it's a way for me to vent and make bad jokes.  Also thank you to my MC for keeping me mostly out of trouble on their.

Step 1 to becoming more productive

Deactivated Facebook.

In a much needed step to increase my productivity I deactivated my account, I'll see how long I can go, or if I'll ultimately delete my account. Hmm back to the days where I missed learning about parties and other things, oh well life goes on.

The ultimate plan for a career change?

Apparently this is my annual rant about whether or not I enjoy what I do for a living.

I am a librarian, and yes that does include all the glitz and glamor that you imagine.  I am a keeper of information, I can find information more efficiently than most.  I also hear many interesting questions and see many interesting things. And I do this all for a very very low price, FREE!  If you are looking to go into librarianship it is a very rewarding profession, you actually can see yourself making a difference in your community and in others.  (Personal opinion: do not become a librarian if you do not like reading, books, or helping others.)  Also do not think you are doing this for huge amounts of money either, it is a job that is low pay and high rewards.  I enjoy what I do, yet I want more.After working in a library for many years many tasks become mundane.

I have had a few talks with people about this, for some reason I'm looked upon as an heir apparent to the so-called throne where I work.  People want me to take over and to leave a lasting legacy.  I'm currently working on leaving a lasting legacy, but not so much to enjoy in my years of employment, but more so as a parting gift for my departure.  It will be my swan song for librarianship, I have put it upon myself to finish a project that has been in the works for years, and yet not much of anything has been done with it.  I truly enjoy what I do, don't mistake this as a talk about how my work sucks, but I need a change, I need to get away, and I think I've found my way to do just that.

Although if I ultimately decide to do what I want it will also be one of the most difficult decisions I'll have to make.  I've become more involved in my community, and in other organizations, I've made lifelong friends, and people that I now consider family.  How will I just be able to uproot and move every few years for a job? The job I'm looking at requires constant travel and moving, I won't be able to plant roots anywhere for long.  Yet I somehow find this idea intriguing, I can see the world and still do good things, and as an added bonus with a much bigger increase in income.  (I'm not doing this for the money, that's a bonus.)  I have spoken to my director about this and this is the first time that even she thinks that I would enjoy that change and fully supports my decision if I make it.  This is from the person who would not accept my resignation, at the time I found that odd, and now I thank her for that.

So now leads the time in life where I have to figure out what I really want to do; do I stay on the course I'm on, or do I decide that a drastic change in my life is necessary?  I've brought this up to a few close friends and the reactions have varied, but ultimately it's my decision to make.  Now I'm left in a state of limbo, and this limbo will last for at least another 2-3 years.  How does one leave a job they love and people he cares for? Can I actually go through with it? With which choice will I have the most impact on others?  Would I be considered a quitter on my community if I left for another opportunity? These are all the questions I'm struggling with already, I can't wait to see what it will be like if/when I actually try to change careers.

So I've made up my mind.

I'm alright with finishing last, I don't want to pretend to be an asshole. I'm actually a nice guy, and that's what I'm going to be from now on.  It's who I am, take it or leave it.  Too many things to explain why I'm doing this right now, but I feel good about myself after this decision, and I've been tested once already and I've passed the first test.  I'm not sure how long I can do this, but I'm pretty sure it's for good.  I need to take a break from the crazies for a while and I need to just relax and be myself.  If this changes anything how any of you feel about me, then that's for the better.