Rules of Drinking

The 86 rules of Boozing
Some of my favorite include:

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

Advertising

Since I am going with the crowd and believing what I read or see, I found this on youtube and although I have a sibling that works at an ad agency I believe this is her day to day experience at work:

Political Rant

I have decided that I will go along with the crowd, and like many Americans will believe what I hear or Read on the Internet/TV. I love it, people will vote based on emotion rather than logic, people will react in different ways based on something they read, written by a person who doesn't care what the hell happens or is being payed to write what they say. People believe candidates who say they have experience in office and have only been an elected official for seven years. But no the 35 years of experience that a certain candidate claims she has dates back to her college years, and I'm sorry but you're not gaining presidential experience in college (exception current President, for him it just didn't matter). The problem is she discredits another candidates experience of being the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, Sorry double-standard here counts for one and not the other.
The main problem I have with the whole experience campaign is she is trying to destroy one candidates credentials but is in turn destroying hers. And if for some twist of fate and America votes to have her run for president, a certain senator from Arizona will destroy her "experience" record with his 25+ years in office. That's when experience counts.
But the real question is is after so many years in office does it truly help them become a better president?
Maybe we need change, and have a fresh start with someone without so many political/family/powerful ties. Maybe we should stop looking at what the name is we're voting for and you know actually do what the founding fathers wanted us to do and vote for the person that stands up for what we believe in. Forget about the ads because they distort the truth, forget about where a person came from and life story because they are pulling for your emotions, but look at what the person has done in their life and how they have done it. Look if a person has been honest in their business dealings, and if they have been honest with the people and have voted in accordance with your beliefs and theirs, and not just what seems to be popular at the time. Every person everywhere in the United States is consumed by what the media tells them: what to do, what to wear, where to go to shop, So stop and think for yourself.

It's a GREAT Day

So the day starts off with me going to my house after shovling the dusting of snow, I walk in and think to myself its cold in here, look at the thermometer and realize I have no heat. So to make sure it wasn't shut off I go to the oven and light the burner and voila it works, so I go to check the furnace in the basement and of course the pilot light was out. I go back upstaris and of course I have nothing but one small match, and I am not burning myself, but to my delight it has an electric pilot light, but since today is awesome God made sure that didn't work. I then check the water heater and figure out how to take the outer plate off and see no light in the pilot, GREAT!! Go throught the whole wait 5 minute process and try lighting and see nothing, there is no fire yet. Now I am 40 minutes late for work and have accomplished nothing, so during my lunch break I go to the hardware store buy an extended butane lighter and go home and get the furnace going, YEAH!!! HEAT, AWESOME!!

Now to the Water heater, go through the same damn process and nothing, so I look for a hole to put the lighter in to light the pilot, OH no The engineer and masochist figured out that nothing could go wrong with the electric lighter, so theres no other way of getting it going. My options at this point are try again, or start taking the thing apart and reconstruct the bottom portion with a new hole, I looked at my watch and realized I have spent 20 minutes of my lunch hour so far and will try the damn electric lighter again. So I wait another damn 5 minutes to try the process and this time think to myself to basically put my head on the ground to check the light and after clicking the electric light button about 10 times, miraculosly it lights. Everthying is going good and am happy now and can go eat my breakfast at 3PM.

So my lunch is almost over and I'm heading to work happy that I did not go over my lunch hour, and on the way back the day gets better. So I'm trying to turn left onto Jos. Campau and hit a nice Ice Patch and my car continues its straight path towards the curb and finally starts to turn left towards a parked car. So my car is heading toward the curb/car on ice and I have no control and I slam into the... Maybe I should end the post here and have you come up with your own conclusions...

Well No nevermind, I slam into the curb stopping about two centimeters from hitting a parked car, wouldn't I have felt great doing that. So i get out to check my car no obvious damage, didn't hit the parked car, wheels turn left and right, and finally something good might have happened. So i'm trying to drive my car and lo and behold it won't drive straight, I have to hold my steering wheel at a 90 degree angle to make the car go straight. So turns out that I broke the inner tire rod and need to get it replaced, no biggy I'm told, but I'm also told that ofter thats done I'll need an alignment, and after that they can make sure nothing else is broken.

So it's about 5PM and have a few hours for the day to get worse, wonder what else might happen.

If I had any artistic skills...

I would totally draw comics about my "fantastic" work experiences. Who says working in a library isn't fun, you get to tell people to be quiet, and help people find books, and tell people to be quiet again, and oh hell thats about it. Unless you decide to go above and beyond what they ask you to do, and you know actually try and make it a better place, like recently moving furniture and trying to strip a wax floor by hand and a scrubber(which by the way sucks, and is almost impossible for about 10-15 years of dirt and grime). Well I vent and veered completely off course of where I was going with this post.
Back to topic, if I could draw comics I would totally do what Greg, if thats his actual name, did and draw comics about fun work experiences. He used to work at the Olive Garden and documented some work experiences seen here. Its a great site to kill time when you are bored.

I remember why I'm scared of bugs

Three-inch acid-shooting hornet, great because a regular hornet doesn't hurt, now they have to shoot acid. There are definitely things I can admit I am scared of and these hornets are found just outside of Tokyo and other places in Japan, AWESOME!!!
Click the link to read the rest of the list of The 5 Most Horrifying Bugs in the World

Hello to my unique visitor/s

Thank you google and my damn post about the clone a willy. Someone found my blog by typing "cloned my penis" into google, doesn't that make me feel great.
How and why google brought up my page is a mystery to me, but nonetheless made me laugh.
So whoever you are I am no expert in cloning anything espescially certain body parts, but I will gladfully ignore all requests on the subject.

Wow I sucked at Mario 3

After watching this video I realize I suck at Mario 3, if you can beat the game in 11 minutes you have way too much time on your hands.

Well hopefully after this post I can actually post something relevant and not just videos.

Crank Dat

I don't know which version is better this one or the original. (well they both suck, but at least one is funny)

For those of you that went to that Windsor "bar" we all know about see his version of Apologize:


Check out his other videos here

WHY??

I know that this is old news and some of you have seen it but why on earth do people buy alli? I understand people want to loose weight and all, and that it can be hard to diet and exercise, but for a top selling weight loss pill that makes you shit your pants is a huge hit in America, I feel terrible for the country. When reading side effects of any medication uncontrollable oily discharges are a huge red flag for anything, and hell anyone will lose weight if you keep crapping your pants uncontrollably. I guarantee that makes for some awkward conversations at work, so where did Bob go, well he crapped himself again sir, nothing major its only the third time today. I guess if you tried everything else before this pill then good luck. If not please PLEASE try something else.
Here's a video explaining some of the side effects:

Miracle diet pill! (with a teenty-tiny side effect)

What the?

What are you doing here - man asks wife at brothel

Well a Polish dude goes to a brothel, problem is he's married and found out his wife worked there. Well doesn't that just suck, not only are you going to cheat on your wife, but your wife works there, so basically he just got kicked in the nuts, twice. The couple was married for 14 years and are now divorcing. The husband said "I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming." No, he hoped he was dreaming, but damn for 14 years he didn't have to pay(hopefully he wrapped or even double wrapped, because a wife that works in a brothel is just plain disgusting). Makes you wonder how many times his wife was on her back when he visited the brothel because you know this wasn't his first time.

You can't take the Bible Literally

Well I might be Catholic, but even I don't take the Bible literally. If I did all science and history would have to be thrown out the window. For example the earth would only be about 6,000 years old, and the Bible doesn't mention dinosaurs.

Well for the dinosaur part the creationism museum found a workaround, apparently dinosaurs creeped around the garden of eden. Adam and Eve must have been freaked out to see the raptors(Photo here), and T-rexes roaming around but God protected them.(If you click on the link make sure to go through the other photos, the MIT commentary is excellent.)

New Year's Eve is always fun

First off Happy New Year to everyone. Here is a few highlights of our New Year's Eve party: