Not going to happen at the DSO

or



or

Aha I'm just a Caring Father

Every Episode of ‘House’ Ever

Cracked.com's list of every episode of House. (although they are missing the it could be lupus statement)

Check it out here.

Best Comeback by a Cop

"I thought Pretty Girls don't get tickets" Response by the cop is priceless

You maybe should have consulted someone...

...before naming your product The Fag Detector III.

The FAG Detector III is an easy to operate, portable vibration measuring instrument for reliable monitoring of machines.

Here is the product page.

The Kazakh Gangsta

I guess this is what passes as a tough guy rapper in Kazakhstan.... IT'S NICE, I LIKE!!!



Wow, words cannot describe how bad this whole thing is, you just need to watch this train wreck.

NASA urine recycler test

Patrese and his Wife

So never trust your husband if he is a F1 racer, and he takes you around the track in a regular car.  But this is funny:

Everyone underestimates the knee to the Groin...

Uhhm not really, then heel to the balls owwww! he tried to kill me, so i got to return him the favor, awesome.

Ah, Physics and Logic

Awesome!

When Geeks have too much time...

...they make the worlds first Robotic Adult Film star...OhYeah!!!

Ewwwww

I just found out my son ____________ into the
egg drop soup at the chinese buffet restaurant he works at?

Click here for the actual question.

So who wants to go to the restaurant now? I will never eat egg drop soup again!

Did you really need a study for that?

Research conducted at the University of Kentucky in Lexington found that when Fayette County high schools delayed their start time by an hour, the percentage of students getting at least eight hours of sleep per night jumped from 35.7 to 50 percent.

Read about the research here.

Amazing, if you start school an hour later, kids get more sleep. Thank you, University of Kentucky, you have just won the NO Shit Sherlock award. They also say, "Students have the most difficulty staying awake and functioning during early morning classes." Again did you really need to research this, you couldn't just go kids don't sleep, mornings suck, maybe the morning classes will suck too? I used to fall asleep in my high school Accounting class, and the teacher would just walk up to my desk, and keep tapping on it until I woke up. But if it was an hour later, I would keep falling asleep in class, no helping that.

And on a completely different side note, check out awesome old christmas ads at the unfabulouz blog.

Just Switch already

From the Microsoft Blog:

A malignant security flaw found in all versions of Microsoft’s Internet Explorer browser has yet to be fixed, and the problem is spreading. Microsoft detailed the flaw in a security update blog post six days ago. Since then, the problem has spread across the globe, hitting at least 2 million computers.

Unlike other computer exploits, this one does not require users to click on fishy links or download mysterious software: it plagues computers that simply open an infected Web page.

Internet Explorer is currently used by 69 percent of Web surfers. The flaw hides inside the data binding function of the browser and causes IE to quit unexpectedly and reopen vulnerable to prying eyes. — Brennon Slattery, PC World

This problem has been around since IE5, and has yet to be fixed. Thanks Microsoft, you keep pumping money into the whole internet explorer browser for no damned reason, it still sucks! Can the probably possibly have anything to do with being able to remotely access a computer with elevated security priviledges? No wait that makes sense, let everyone do it there could be no problem with this.

I personally hate everything about Internet Explorer, it's incapable of displaying most sites correctly, and forces web developers to create hacks to make a site work for your crap browser, and if you're company forces you to use IE, go yell at the IT department, and if you use IE, please, please, PLEASE switch to one of the following:

Mozilla Firefox (I use this)
Google Chrome (quickly becoming a favorite browser)
Opera
Safari

Things that go bump in the night

Now you really wanted the monsters to be real.

Saturday Post

So I just got back from spreading Holiday cheer to children in the city, YAY!

And after yesterday's little I hate the way we give out money talk, back to posting videos/stories that make you laugh, or scratch your head.

I hope this is a hazing thing but why would the army make soldiers do the oompa loompa song?


And just to make fun of the internet's newest whipping boy, Twilight. Sorry if you read the books and liked them, but they have become somewhat of a punchline on almost all internet forums. Here is cracked's version if the book was 10 times shorter and 100 times more honest.

My favorite part:

KRISTEN STEWART

Wait, we can't have sex at all, and you can't suck my blood? How can you make a vampire movie without anyone sucking blood?

ROBERT PATTINSON

It's alright, I think this movie already has more than enough sucking.

The Bartender

The once in a while Rant

So occascionally I use this blog to vent and rant a little, this is one of those times. Last night the Government loan to the Auto Industry failed. We gave $700 billion to the banking system to stop a worlwide banking failure, no biggie right? The government had no problem saving one institution that screwed themselves over, but when the auto industry needs to be saved, just wait one minute there what about the little businesses they ask? Yes the auto industry needs to be updated and needs to be more competitive. Last year both Toyota and GM sold the same amount of cars about 9 million cars each, GM did it at a $38.7 billion loss, Toyota $17.1 billion dollar profit. That is not competition that is a total ass kicking, they are dead even in sales yet have no chance at competition. P.S. Cerberus/Chrysler if you want govt. money make your books public, don't tell me you're broke without proving it.

But this is not the point of the rant, the $15 billion dollar loan is denied, ok, but what the hell is the Fed doing loaning $2 trillion dollars to unnamed institutions. Where the hell is Congress to go wait a minute on that shit. From Bloomberg:

The Federal Reserve refused a request by Bloomberg News to disclose the recipients of more than $2 trillion of emergency loans from U.S. taxpayers and the assets the central bank is accepting as collateral.

Bloomberg filed suit Nov. 7 under the U.S. Freedom of Information Act requesting details about the terms of 11 Fed lending programs, most created during the deepest financial crisis since the Great Depression.

So we can't save a large industry, unless you are a bank, then you can say you are just too big to fail and we go Well OK, now where are the rabbits Lenny, I want to play with the rabbits. But if you are not a bank we ask questions, and think of our constituents. Hell they let American Express recategorize themselves as a bank, to get money from the bailout, and have put the paperwork to recategorize yourself as a bank online. So GM become a Bank, get the bailout money, hell we all know the government will never get a dime back from that. Read the Bloomberg story here.

Me, I'm going back to thinking about how a few years ago, in business school going over the whole but the credit derivatives can't be covered what happens if the economy gets like totally f*cked? Don't worry that won't happen! HA! I remember all those offers to work for the risk arbitrage department, nice that would have been fun. I could only imagine looking at the screen and hearing crying/screaming when all the cards fell. Hell if we could see it in school, why did no one in the banking institution see this coming? Oh wait they did, but if you brought it up at an interview, that's where it ended and they wanted nothing to do with you. So Congratulations to the few who had enough money to actually make a killing by forseeing what would happen, and becoming rich off the stupidity of your colleagues.

Wow, 10 ads that make you go huh?

So I don't feel like posting anything today, so here is a link to a blog that did: Link.

I didn't know NASA could be cool

This is quite possibly one of the best presentations I have ever seen, and it's done by NASA, who knew they had it in them. Although it is quite possibly the worst way to showcase picture slides they are in a PDF format. But it is a fun, quick read. Check it out here.

Two days without posting

No there is nothing wrong with me, and yes I am fine I just didn't want to drink this weekend. But it has been two days since I have posted completely useless information or videos/pics or links to things that just make no sense. I was debating whether or not to post a link to a video that disturbed me, but I have decided to just put up a description of what happens:

A guy sits on a glass jar, forcing it into his anus. Jar breaks. Guy fishes out pieces of it while bleeding on the floor.

Why the hell did I watch the whole video? Why am I writing about it? Well because one of you will go and search for the video and will hate me.

And now for more WTF links/videos:

This one is actually funny, and one reason why I will not watch/read Twilight, he sparkles:


Next link is why you should always carefully read the instrucitons when experimenting with new kinky ways to spice up your sex life, the Customer review is hilarious.

Update for the party, so I ordered a case of Tyskie, have 6 of the 7 drinks for the seven deadly sins, if you thought I was joking about everyone doing a shot of one boy are you wrong. I don't care that we made up the shot during a Whiskey in the Jar buzz, I still remembered the damn thing, went out and bought the stuff, and EVERYONE WILL TRY IT! Hey it might even be bettter than Sambucca, but that's not saying much. But here is a fun list of things we can do at the party.

New SNL Digital Short

They had to play this late night, and I laughed my ass off during this video you have to see Andy Samberg's new video, Jizz in my pants:

The Library is Closing...

Well that's an interesting reaction to the library closing. Why doesn't everyone have the same reaction to their libraries? Do you not realize how important to the community a library is?

More funny videos like the "The Library is Closing" at Heavy.com

Ok, maybe you don't need the same reaction, but remember libraries=good!

This song keeps getting stuck in my head

So this is my new ringtone, and everytime someone calls me this song gets stuck in my head. I don't want to change it though because I love the song, check it out:


And now for a fun little trip down memory lane (if high) here is the Fraggle Rap, oh yeah Fraggle Rock one of the greatest shows ever:

Freestyle Translation

Tequila

Probably Fake Paper

I know that it is most likely a fake paper, but I still laughed.  Someone did actually read Oedipus, and if this was handed in, he actually barely passed, good job kid.  But everything tells me that its a fake..

Well read the review of Oedipus Paper here.

The Seven Deadly Sins

So after drinking and more drinking at the Whiskey we got on the discussion of shots, we started with three horseman(disgusting), 4 horseman, and then we came up with a shot that everyone will need to try at the Christmas party: The Seven Deadly Sins. This is still a work in progress, and Mike came up with the name, but so far it is :Jimmy, Jack, John, Jose, Jaeger, Jezy(That's right JEZYNOWKA), and for now Jameson. If you can come up with a better J, than Jameson let me know, like I said work in progress.

But all in all a fun night, with food, friends, crappy music (sorry Kasia but some of your selections suck, but are funny as hell), penalty shots (again due to the music), and if you don't know Auggie makes Kasia do hot Yukon Jack shots because of her music choices, she will never learn.

They're going to kill Batman?!?!?

But he's the damn Batman, he can't die. He can beat anyone/anything, I mean he's the most invincible superhero of them all. He has a backup plan for killing every other super hero on earth, and they're going to kill him off? What the Hell? I mean it was a childhood favorite of mine (although I am still a bigger X-Men fan), I even have the Batman animated series on DVD, but why kill him?

But if Robin does do it, he might have gotten annoyed of the bitch slappings.

Read the supposed story here.

What not to do after you get a Speeding Ticket

And he was still flooring it when he was on top of the cop car.

Are they Oompa Loompas

SO this music video is disturbing on many levels, one holy crap the singers look like ooompa loompas watch the video below:



Now the second thing that disturbs the living crap out of me is are they singing the song to the little boy, because that's the disgusting impression I got. Seriously WTF is that, I mean who made them pick what appears to be an 11-12 year old kid that 3 oompa loompa looking guys sing to about going down?

The Rappin' Senior Choir

I hope no one told them what ridin' dirty means, but this is hilarious, I love the MC Hammer Part.

And now to rag on Michigan

So it's been a horrible season, we knew that the offense would suck, but to see the defense as bad as it's been was a surprise. But should the offense sucking be a real surprise? Looking at last year's stats UofM had one of the worst offenses in the Big 10, yes even with all the NFL talent they were still one of the worst, and damnit I didn't know that. The defense last year was just as bad, but this year they couldn't rely on the offense to do anything. But the worst part of this season was reading Brandon Minor's comments after the OSU game:

"You can't really blame Rich Rod because everybody on the team did not buy in like they're supposed to. We have a couple of guys not going hard," he said. "We'll correct that most definitely. That ain't going to happen on my watch as a senior."

So the team quit on their coach early, some probably stayed because they couldn't play anywhere else, but why the hell quit on your coach/team? Why couldn't the coach get them to paly, why couldn't you sit the guys who didn't want to play for you? So after reading Minor's comments, does the real rebuilding start next year? I mean if the players don't want to play for you, and there will be departures, will next year be the same as this year, or do we start seeing some players that RRod actually wants. But to his credit even getting blown out at least the team didn't look like they gave up yesterday. The bright spot is he started 3-8 at West Virginian, and we all know what happened there, so it might be fun to watch two good teams in Michigan again.

So let the crybaby Michigan comments commence.

Got Glasses?

I can't believe that they actually played this on TV in Germany.

The Eholster

Attention all wanna-be bad ass nerds, here is the new and improved version of the pocket protector. Do you want to look like your favorite action star, but have a fear of guns? Do you love being randomly searched at the airport? And yes if you do buy this you never have to worry about getting laid again (seriously if you actually are thinking about it you never had to worry about that before).

Seriously who the hell buys this thing, because even the guy in the picture looks like a total douche bag wearing that stupid piece of crap. Why go for the retarded superhero pose when showing this thing off? But if you have no dignity left here is where you can purchase one of these. And remember that people are not laughing at you, never mind yes we are.

Wait what did you say?

SO the first time in years that MSU has a chance to go to the Rose Bowl, yes you need the perfect conditions, a 1 in 100 win against PSU, and a 1 in a million shot of UofM beating tOSU this year. So you kind of have to root for a team you hate. State fans need UofM to beat Ohio, and if you can manage a win you're in the Rose Bowl, and are Big Ten Champs. (Holy Crap I am writing about MSU in the Rose Bowl). You expect your coach to know this, right? He should be saying things like we need to worry about ourselves and hope for the best, blah blah, blah...

But No he says:

I'm not rooting for Michigan," said head coach Mark Dantonio, who has spent 11 of the last 14 years working for Michigan State or Ohio State. "I'm going to focus on our task at hand here and worry about the things we can control. I have too many good friends and too many people that wouldn't let me back into their house to let me do that.

"So Go Bucks."

Wait, What?!?! SO you mean to tell me that you would rather see your old friends/team win, then admit you want a school you hate to win? You realize you need Michigan to win, not only should you want it you should be praying for a win. But you don't want to burn the bridges at Ohio, and that doesn't make me feel to good about you. Do you actually care about your current coaching job? DO you not realize that for your program this is a gigantic leap?

I'm not even a Spartan fan and that comment pissed me off, I'm not expecting a Michigan win, but damn. How does this make State fans feel? Your coach is rooting for the Buckeyes to win the Big Ten when you have a slim shot at it? Seriously WTF is up with that?

James Bond... 00 what the hell?

So the new James Bond film is different from the others, yes it is a good action film but is it a good Bond film? There are no gadgets that Bond gets, he is less Bond Like and more Jason Bourne. He kicks ass then asks questions, with no plan in mind.

What happened to the cool and collected Bond, the one who is not phased by anything? Not in this movie, he is apparently the Bond for today, or as I would put it the American Bond, Shoot stuff, blow them up and just don't care.

And he's apparently having a bad time, since this a true sequel, he is still sad/mad about Vespers death, and how do we know this? Because every damn character has to ask him or mention it to him, no we don't see emotion from Bond, but we're supposed to know he's mad because everyone else knows he is mad.

I thought Casino Royale was a great reinvention of Bond, I think Quantum of Solace is showing this new version is already becoming stagnant. If it were an action movie starring Daniel Craig it would be a pretty good movie, but because this is Bond, it's only okay at best. Here's to hoping that they can actually get better, but if this is what Bond is becoming, they might as well be called the Bond Supremacy or the Bond Ultimatum.

Here's an idea of what I've been doing today...

These made me laugh today check em out:

Can you fix my computer?

Can you get me some more water?

Translating what your teacher means.

Showdown

And if I get enough time off from my goofing off, please check back for a few of my opinions on the new James Bond movie.

Revenge on Boss

More Buzzed Posting

The new theme song for all libraries:

Buzzed Posting

Holy Blog Of Doom, Batman! I just got hit on the head and recalled that I have not updated this since they invented sliced bread... You would not believe that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones. Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!

I am out of it with my brahs, driving from one end of the city to the other, just generally being an embarrassment to the locals, my day drinking from the light through yonder window breaks to whenever. I am wondering if I paid mine electricity bill, but who cares.

I absolutely, positively promise I won't blog until the next time booze prices go up and I have to get sober for a while. Honestly! This is for my ever faithful, devoted public..

What's Going on in Genesee County?

Syphilis outbreak continues in Genesee County; numbers jump 2,000 percent over last year and rate is three times higher than Detroit. YAY another bad statistic Detroit isn't number 1 in.
Story here.

Carlsberg Ad

I laughed

The Drunkard's Progress

So I am called an enabler, an occasional alcoholic (I disagree with that), a lush (why???), but never a drunkard. I love old photos/cartoons and their total sensationalistic messages. They always have to go to an extreme when they talk about stuff they do not agree with. The drunkards final stage? Suicide, because after all the stages everyone hates you, and you hate yourself. There is no cure you must kill yourself, you can never stop drinking. I guess this is what led to the failure known as national prohibition. From the first glass to the grave they said. So far I've attained Steps 1, 3, 4, and possibly 5.

Here is the link to the pic I just discussed.

I will never eat skittles again

This ad alone has just completely creeped me out. I can never look at a bag of skittles again.

Sexist Shirt

I amost have a Bingo

I'm all over this board, and that makes me sad.

Unnecessary Censorship

This one is awesome, and the Count from Sesame Street is a freak.

The Waldo Ultimatum

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Wazzup 2000 vs. Wazzup 2008

Coke Bomb

This is so simple, yet incredibly smart. Why have I never thought about this, now for the few of you I work with who read this blog, when I bring Diet Coke to work DO NOT OPEN IT!

Age Disparity @ Work

I kind of think this is right, except for today because my alarm clock decided to adjust to daylight savings time, so by the time I got out of the shower and got ready I finally realized it was only 7am. And yes in the morning I am basically a walking zombie getting ready for work.

Best Break up letter ever

If this is true this is awesome. Check out the apology letter and the response if you just want to read the funny part, read the response. Here's the link.

Inner Geek Going Crazy

...must resist urge to buy totally useless but awesome toy. It's so damn hard, must fight the inner geek in me. This is awesome it is a mini Van de Graaff Generator wand, a what you may ask read about it here.

This battery powered wand features a mini Van de Graaff generator inside. Push a button on the handle and the static charge built up in the wand causes the included 3D mylar shapes to levitate at your command. You can also do some cool tricks causing the shapes to jump back and forth from your hand to the wand. Not quite Harry Potter… but hey, we do our best for you.

If Men wrote the advice column

Click the photo for a bigger version

Sitting in the Library...

...not the one I work at, but the university Library, yes I know I go to another library to try to study, you'd think I'd be sick of them already. Trying to catch up in my classes and am realizing that a degree only proves how much bullshit you can actually put up with for your employers. I am reading about how to find information, and how to assess information in grad school. Seriously if I had no idea how to do this I wouldn't be here.

This is still a thousand times better than what would be considered a computer fundamentals class that I am taking. The joys of online classes for a person with little motivation are few and far between, and sitting through mandatory videos about stuff you already know how to do is awesome! Let me repeat awesome!! Everyone should do this, go and watch videos about stuff you know for up to 3 hours a week, see how soon you want to kill yourself. So, so far I've learned how to use Word, Excel, Powerpoint, basic html/css (not the good css where you actually create a style sheet, but the ghetto kind where it goes in the head of the page and of course no mention of php), and we will learn Access and databases next. I can barely contain my excitement about this, I mean wow databases, it's not like I had to learn how to do this in High school, or the Programming classes where holy crap you would learn how to write your own database. Could I not test out of this class you greedy money hungry whore of a school? I was told that before I could talk to someone and explain what I do, and would not be forced to take this sham of a class.

Back to trying to read crap, or better yet there's a bar down the street can you figure out what I'm going to do? If you answered that I'll be the good student and do the readings, you
A) either have more hope for me than I do
B) Do not know me
C) Forgot that I stopped that no drinking thing

Depressing Global Warming Ad

I feel bad after watching it, and now I want all of you to feel bad too.

Never friend your boss on Facebook

Here's the story why you shouldn't.

McCain accidentally left on Bus Overnight

Academic Salaries

From: PHD Comics

From a Friend

Got this in an e-mail:


And Here's a few more:

Dance Floor dale

i am not telling you to check out the video, and definitely don't watch it at work. here's the link

Sexual Harassment Training Video

What every employee should know

Beer and Bangers

Just a thought. Eric it is up to you, but with that what are the plans for next week?

What's the difference between your mouth and your vagina?

It's a joke about Palin Check it out here.

I think I might be in trouble

"The more alcohol an individual drinks, the smaller his or her total brain volume, according to a report in the October issue of Archives of Neurology, one of the JAMA/Archives journals."

So your brain volume decreases with age, and they are now telling me the more I drink the faster it happens. So when a few months ago I stopped drinking, I was trying to save brain volume, and everyone wanted me to drink more. The only saving grace for me is:

"Most participants reported low alcohol consumption, and men were more likely than women to be moderate or heavy drinkers," the authors write. "There was a significant negative linear relationship between alcohol consumption and total cerebral brain volume."

Although men were more likely to drink alcohol, the association between drinking and brain volume was stronger in women, they note. This could be due to biological factors, including women's smaller size and greater susceptibility to alcohol's effects." (Read more here)

Screw it life is short, I don't drink to get drunk, I drink because I like it, and if in 50 years it makes me an idiot well then in 50 years I'll be the loud obnoxious grandpa no one wants to talk about.

The best explanation so far

An 8 minute comedy video of the financial mess that gets it right. It hits the nail in the head, and it's about a year old.

Do you see the similarities?

I mentioned this to some of you but dear God the resemblance is eerie.

How it all started

Over the past few days I've been talking at work how the financial crisis started, I gave multiple reasons for why it happened, but here is a sort of simple reason as to why the global economy is going bust.

Everyone is trying to blame the bad mortgages, and homeowners who could not pay their debts. This is not really the case bad debt from mortgages only accounted for between $200-$300 billion of debt. The problem is that banks around the world, espescially the US and Europe being completely over leveraged, and in some cases leveraged 30:1, which means that you are borrowing 30 times the amount of money you have in reserve. With that you can either make 30 times your average profit or on the downside 30 times the loss. With High Risk there is high reward, but also very high dangers. But banks have their own regulations on what they can hold right? Yup its called the Basel II accord. "The purpose of Basel II, which was initially published in June 2004, is to create an international standard that banking regulators can use when creating regulations about how much capital banks need to put aside to guard against the types of financial and operational risks banks face."

The riskier the loans a bank owns, the more capital it must keep in reserve.So when banks follow this rule they should be safe, but hello AIG, and thank you for your complete and utter disastrous methods of taking banks money. You see AIG would offer banks a way to get around the Basel rules, via unregulated insurance contracts, known as credit default swaps. The bank calls AIG, and are told that historical loss rates on American mortgages is close to nothing, what drew in European investment, and AIG would sell them subprime securities for 2% of face value, and were guaranteed against default for 5 years.

"Although AIG's credit default swaps were really insurance contracts, they weren't regulated. That meant AIG didn't have to put up any capital as collateral on its swaps, as long as it maintained a triple-A credit rating. There was no real capital cost to selling these swaps; there was no limit. And thanks to what's called "mark-to-market" accounting, AIG could book the profit from a five-year credit default swap as soon as the contract was sold, based on the expected default rate. " (Porter Stansberry) Profit was written off right away by AIG, and as long as they kept their triple A credit rating they could do this as much as they wanted."The bank could leverage itself to the full extent allowable under Basel II. AIG could book hundreds of millions in "profit" each year, without having to pony up billions in collateral."

AIG never had the collateral to back up their loans, and the proft that they wrote off never actually happened. The next to nothing chance of loss on mortgages? Much worse and many times higher than they thought. Those securities in some cases were worth $0.15 to the dollar. Everyone seemed to notice this and on September 15th AIG credit score was lowered. And this is where the proverbial dominoes fell, when AIG's credit score was lowered, they needed to come up with capital to come up with an $11 billion charge, they actually managed to do this, but when they were downgraded all those swaps finally reared their ugly heads and AIG had no money to come up with the collateral they needed. Let's not forget that AIG leveraged themselves out too, and had their own debts they needed to pay. OOPS they went Bankrupt and went to cry for help.

Then "Lehman Brothers failed on the same day. Merrill was sold to Bank of America. The Fed stepped in and agreed to lend AIG $85 billion to facilitate an orderly sell off of its assets in exchange for essentially all the company's equity."

Now it gets scary when you look at the facts:
"Why do you need to know all of these details? First, you must understand that without the government's actions, the collapse of AIG could have caused every major bank in the world to fail.

Second, without the credit default swap market, there's no way banks can report the true state of their assets – they'd all be in default of Basel II. That's why the government will push through a measure that requires the suspension of mark-to-market accounting. Essentially, banks will be allowed to pretend they have far higher-quality loans than they actually do. AIG can't cover for them anymore.

And third, and most importantly, without the huge fraud perpetrated by AIG, the mortgage bubble could have never grown as large as it did. Yes, other factors contributed, like the role of Fannie and Freddie in particular. But the key to enabling the huge global growth in credit during the last decade can be tied directly to AIG's sale of credit default swaps without collateral. That was the barn door. And it was left open for nearly a decade."

SO now you know why the execs needed their $400,000 little get away, it was a stressful time when you almost destroyed the world banking system. THe pain will continue and it will get worse, much worse before it gets better, but it will get better, and hopefully the government and banking systems will enact rules to prevent any future forms of fraud that banks and their executives committed to chase a profit.

Yahoo jumps the gun

So it's 3:30 the DJIA is up over 200 points, and Yahoo told me that the Dow lost for the 8th straight day. They must have a crystal ball, becuase there is still trading, and it's not over yet, but Yahoo has declared a loss.

Update #1
3:47 PM Dow up only 2.54
Update #2
3:49 PM Dow down 27.24
Update #3
4:16 PM Dow down 128.00

Diesel's Safe for Work Porn

You read that right good old fashioned safe for work PORN, isn't marketing fun?

That's Awesome

So there is no netting for PATs in High School Football, and that is why this video is so damn great.

See more funny videos and Sports Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Why don't I use trouble tickets

I am nothing like Joe Sixpack

Got to images.google.com and type in Joe Sixpack, First of all I am nothing like Joe Sixpack but wtf is picture 4. I just threw up. Or if you are too lazy click here.

World Record Attempt

So he tries to break the world record for coconut smashing, keyword tries.

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Children TV show inuendo

WTF, seriously what the hell this was a kids show in Great Britain.

Duck Tales Explanation of Inflation

Screw the pot of Gold...

...beer is at the end of the rainbow.

Palin Debate Flowchart

By the way Sarah Palin this is a real maverick. Got to love 80's movies

Halloween Might suck this year

Evolution of a Geek

I must have skipped 1.0 and went straight to 2.0. But for the most part the description is true.

WOW

Go to the 2:55 mark, I'm speechless, how can anyone say she would be prepared to be president.

Watch CBS Videos Online

The Bailout

Alexis de Tocqueville said: "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."

Thomas Jefferson said: “I sincerely believe that banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies, and that the principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale.”

Can we be fooled to bail out the banking system with our own money? A few years ago Bush vetoed a bill which would have spent $32 billion dollars to give children from low income money insurance. F*ck them he said we don't have the money, when the rich boys from New York, and Washington come crying to him that they screwed themselves over he almost trips over himself to race to give them money. OK our financial system is f*cked, banks screwed it up, now we have to save them, but they had months if not years to fix their sinking ship. Ins ted of just directly giving the money to the banks for their bad debt from the bad mortgages they gave out, they could have given the money to the home owners who lost their house to the foreclosure, but wait that would eliminate the bad debt, and the high foreclosure numbers, and stupid thought might actually help people who need the help.

So they now want $700 billion dollars to save the economy, they must have spent hours if not days coming up with the figure to resurrect our economy, right? A treasury spokeswoman when asked about the figure said:

"It's not based on any particular data point," a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. "We just wanted to choose a really large number."

Great, so we enlarge the national debt for a figure they pulled out of their ass. In 1992, Sweden faced an almost identical crisis with their banking system after a housing market collapse but did they fork over money, NO!
"Banks had to write down losses and issue warrants to the government.

That strategy held banks responsible and turned the government into an owner. When distressed assets were sold, the profits flowed to taxpayers, and the government was able to recoup more money later by selling its shares in the companies as well"(Ny Times)By requiring equity from the banks for their bailout, it almost guaranteed that the banks would do everything they could not to require the assistance, and forced the banks to find capital themselves. And the best part is when the banking system corrected itself, the government, or tax-payers got their money back, maybe not all of it but at least their was a return on their investment.

"By the end of the crisis, the Swedish government had seized a vast portion of the banking sector, and the agency had mostly fulfilled its hard-nosed mandate to drain share capital before injecting cash. When markets stabilized, the Swedish state then reaped the benefits by taking the banks public again." See their plan worked!

But this whole situation reminds me of a Dilbert comic, and maybe I'm the wuss but I don't think we should just give a banking system that screwed themselves and the rest of us free money.

Theres a Second Song

So if you don't remember Jon LaJoie's first song you can catch it here.
And now the follow up song:

Show Me Your Genitals 2: E=MC Vagina

The Weng Weng Rap

Weng Weng 2' 9" Filipino actor known for his role as Agent 00. Check out his wikipedia page here.

MILLEN FIRED!!!

FINALLY, it took them long enough to get rid of him, too bad the lions still suck.

31-84 Millen's record as GM 53 games under .500, how he kept his job this long is a mystery to the rest of the NFL, but not to lions fans. Ford Sr. is also a moron, given the lions not to f*ck up at Ford Motors.

But now it is a sad day for many people, mostly other teams who enjoyed watching the Lions lose, and any Wide Receiver in College Football, who will draft them in the first round now? The scary thing is Ford Sr. is still in charge so it could get worse. But today is a good day, worry about Ford Sr. tomorrow, and next Sunday how much the Lions suck, but remember MILLEN IS GONE!

This just made me laugh

Sorry you might have lost your house but your name made me laugh.

For the intellectual: Litoris also happens to be latin for coast, or coastal area, zing!

For everyone else, you should have heard what happened to his neighbor Mike Hunt. (drum roll please)

If you don't understand the joke (kasia) say the name out loud and fast and see if you get it.

Great Quote

On one of the sports forums I go to I came across this gem that I had to share with everyone:

"As a college football fan I hate the BCS system.

As a Spartan fan, I have no idea what all the fuss is about BCS bowl games."

Damn thats honest, so what do you think? (I ask these questions to try to initiate comments, don't make me pull an eric and put a poll up)

IMDb just got better

They addd Tv shows, and Movies that you can watch for free. Check it out here. This will work great in combo with hulu, another free tv show/movie site.

The World's most accurate pie chart

Is this Possible?

This might possibly the smartest dog I've ever seen.



Now the question is is it even possible? Mr. Zoologist this question was for you in case you were wondering.

So this is the real reason

I now know the real reason they got rid of the elephants from the zoo. This picture says it all, go and see. When you do this once you are done, no more, EVER! The guy just looking at the camera is the funniest part.

I bet that hurt

Bigtime hit of the day by Terps Kevin Barnes on Cal's Jahvid Best.



And then the aftermath of the hit, if you are squeamish you might not want to watch the gatorade fountain.

Funny Commercials

The first one is disgusting but funny from Thailand:


The other is a Guinness commercial that they would never show here in the states:

What happened after mario saved the Princess?

How did he not see that coming?

I really don't know how shows like this are still on the air, Maury Povich only does the are you the father specials but this one is probably the worst/best one yet.

4th time trying to upload the video

So I reduced the resolution, and file size in half maybe it will let me add the video now.




and in case you don't like blogger video here is the youtube version

Trying to post video

It's taking forever to upload, Over 1 hour now and I have no idea when it will end.

So the video will be online tonight or tomorrow.

Advice for Parents

Here is the Complete Idiot's Guide to deal with children.

Check out the 28 other instructional slides here.

Weird take on Christianity

Gotta Love old manuals

Women are Teachable

That is terrible

If the guy actually put this sign up, I feel bad for everyone who checked it out. I am only posting a link to the pic and not the pic itself. The picture is safe to be viewed the link it directs you to is a totally different story. Remember once you see something it can not be unseen. I give you fair warning that by going to the link in the picture you will be scarred, please do not let curiosity get the best of you. For all of you that have already seen the picture you already know why the sign is so mean, and in a very strange way amusing; as the saying goes its only funny till someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious.

I only post a link to a picture with a link on it, do what you may you have been warned. Here it is.

(But seriously why the hell would I keep talking about the link, if I really didn't want to blind you with the horrible images on the Internet.

I'm not the only one who noticed...

... but it looked like McCain kept checking out Palin's ass, during her acceptance speech.  The person edited the video to make it funnier, but only added audio. 

One of a Kind

You can tell that the guy is already nervous just holding it.  Did someone not realize that it might not be a good idea?  But it should be able to be put back together, you know duct tape fixes everything.

Can't Explain this one

I can't believe it! I just got hit on the head and recalled that I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died... You would not believe it only hurts when I laugh. But I'm sorry you'll just have to take my word for it..

I am frantic with finding Jesus (after someone told me he was lost), hoping you haven't found other blogs, just generally being a nuisance to society in general, my day seems to involve the authorities from the first cockadoodledoo from the rooster to I run out of alcohol. I am looking at rectifying this. perchance.

I go, my lords and ladies; just I will write something that makes sense soon. I promise! I will write more to certain yous; but it might not be you in particular who I write to..

Sunday Post

Now you know this post is going to be clever just look at the title.  Joyce and Mike to answer your question of where do I find this stuff I will answer you with another question: Do you really want to know?  I mean I can send you the sites of where I find some of the stuff, but remember that discussion of all the stuff I saw online?  Now think about what you might see.  Do you still want to know?

Now Mike I was going through some sites and found a cool toy about an animal that you should sell at the zoo.

  It could be the zoo's best seller the Avenging Narwhal, but why is it going to kill the Koala?

The Condom Ringtone

Please Download this and put it on your phone.  It is funny it just repeats the word condom.  The song is from India to promote normal condom use.  Apparently if everyone hears the word and put it on their phone they might start to use them.  So is this their version of  the Chinese rule where you can only have one kid, because if it is their plan might not work.  To read the story and hear the ringtone click here, or come to the live draft tonight at Cafe 1923.

Two Semi Related Disgusting Stories

NEVER TAKE SIX(6) TIMES THE RECOMMENDED DOSE OF EX-LAX MAXIMUM STRENGTH. The story of the guy is funny yet sad read it here.

And the other story is of the shitting intern at NBC.  Yes you heard that right, and it is apparenlty true, an intern left a shit trail on two floors trying to get to the bathroom. Read the details by some peoples accounts here.  The funniest part is she came back to work the next day like nothing happened.  So was it the alli effect?  But hey at lejavascript:void(0)ast she didn't shit in the shower.

This makes it a little less great.

So the Chinese did a great job with the Opening Ceremonies for the Olympics, but the more you find out about them the less spectacular they are.  The 9 year old girl was not the actual singer, the girl who was singing was deemed not cute enough by the Chinese Government (boy I can't see how that can hurt a little kid).

One of the coolest parts was the Tai Chi masters who kept forming a perfect circle, all the years of special training helped them do it right? 

The Tai Chi performers spent the last year sequestered at a military base practicing the routine. They were packed 50 to a room in decrepit facilities with few functioning showers, fewer functioning toilets and no heat or air. Mosquitoes were also a problem. Oh and by the way: they were forbidden to leave.

 So they were basically imprisoned until they learned to do it perfectly.

Read some more disappointing facts from the opening ceremonies here.

Is that a foul?

Do you have the fever?  Since Michael Phelps is done, not really.  I will still tune in but the Winter Olympics are more fun to watch in my opinion.

But have you watched any of the wrestling?  So I do not know the rules but seriously in the picture below that should be a foul, Right?  Or is it just called the TSA?

Oh my Dear God that Looks Painful

I don't think your arm is supposed to bend that way with that much weight.  Lets all have an Oh SHIT moment for the Hungarian weightlifter.

"No longer able to support the weight of the barbell, his right forearm bent backward. The 24-year-old Hungarian fell to the floor in shock, shaking and crying out in pain. "

Holy Hell that must be the worst thing that can happen, not only because it hurts so much, but also because you just can't drop the barbell right away.  If you want to see the other photos check out the link here. 

Can't Stop laughing

Are you afraid of being abducted by aliens, are you too looking for a way to stop them from reading your thoughts.  Then you too are crazy enough to try this.  The man who made one said ""Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society." By contributing to society do you mean you stopped slamming into the rubber padded walls in the room they keep putting you in?  Those are not aliens those are your doctors.


The entire site is just too damn funny the prototype is basically tin foil and a hat.  "

Vitamin C to kill implanted alien-hybrid embryos" "Several abductees report that aliens do not like perfume.  One abductee claims that they stopped an abduction by exposing strong cheap perfume to aliens. "When the alien's telepathic powers are neutralized by the "thought screen helmet" they do not attempt to abduct their victims. Without their telepathic power they cannot render their victims passive."

Although wouldn't tinfoil or most metals amplify a signal and not decrease it, thus rendering the hat useless.

Don't remember where I heard them

but damnit their song Mama's Boy has been stuck in my head for a while. The band is Chromeo, they have a weird sound but I like it, it kind of reminds me of 80s music, but it doesn't suck. They are an elecrofunk band, and the first album I heard was fancy footwork (also a name of a good song. But here's the song that's been stuck in my head all week.



Also the lead singer is apparently very smart. David Macklovitch is currently earning his Ph. D in French Literature from Columbia University, where he also teaches undergraduate French classes.

If you liked that song you should check out needy girl and fancy footwork.

In honor of the olympics

Please Ignore the Communism

And in a totally unrelated and painful story from Hong Kong, read how a man almost lost his penis here.

Take that Born Again Christians

Here is the Atheists version De-Baptism.  All that is needed is an atheist and a blow-dryer.  The ceremony is performed by Acting President of American Atheist Frank Zingler.

My question is if you start to make your own ceremony isn't that a little too much for atheism, or do you all chant we believe in science, and no higher power.  Full story here about the ceremony.

No Way You are getting out of this

So this guy is probably looking for a new job, because I can think of no logical reason on an explanation as to what he was doing. The best part would be if he tried and forgot to erase the job from the hard drive and the boss reprinted it, but the ass imprint probably gave that away.